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One day, while I was eating Cinnamon Life Cereal in the dorm at Stanford with Emily and Vivian and watching the news, a report came on about starvation in South Africa. So we decided to go over there and help. I thought we should sneak a semi full of food onto a huge steamboat and sail to South Africa to feed everyone. But Emily wanted to waterski all the way over there. What happens when you get tired of waterskiing? It's really far. And who's gonna drive the boat? And then Vivian wanted to walk. By the time we get over there all of South Africa would be DEAD. How are we supposed to save everyone if they're already dead? And how are we supposed to carry all the food if we're just walking? We'd probably eat it all on the way, too. The only thing as stupid as that idea is Emily's waterskiing idea. So eventually, after we fought angrily over it for five hours, we decided just to take a hot air balloon. Don't ask why. No one knows. But just for the record, it was my idea. It always was.

We walked to Melvin's Hot Air Balloon Hut. When we asked for a balloon, the man (I'm pretty sure he was Melvin himself) told us we had a sixty five percent chance of living through it.
"Oh! Okay," Vivian said, being the super-smart person she beleives she is. "so we have a 25% chance of not dying!"
"No, you retard, it's a 45% chance!" Emily screamed. Then she went on about how she was the smart one and we both got really annoyed.
"Um…it's 35%." I said. Gosh. How did they even get into Stanford? I mean, we're all 19 years old and they don't even know what 100-65 is.

Emily wanted the Courage the Cowardly Dog balloon. A lot. So we got it. Courage is an awesome dog. Who puts it on a hot air balloon, though? It was still really cool. And Emily was really happy. Then they made me carry all the stupid food into the stupid balloon. It was really heavy, and they never even helped. They said they were "supervising," but they could have at least carried ONE of the 20 fifty pound boxes of canned food. But no. Apparently supervising is easier.

Then Vivian(who still beleives she is a super smart person) noticed a huge hole in the balloon. I could even see it through the three feet tall stack of cans I was carrying(no thanks to them). "Oh, it'll still work," I said. Doesn't the hot air do something to the other thing in the balloon that makes it go up? Yeah, I think it does…right?

When we finally got into the sky Vivian started singing(if you care, it was "I beleive I can fly"). I was trying to figure out how the stupid heat thingy worked when the balloon went down. Oh joy. Vivian started screaming at Emily, who had forgotten to fix the hole in the top of the balloon.